inspiration is what i needed...

where i left last time was a bit everywhere.. well lets finish this story and leave as that... my ex wife went to prison for a while for drug possesion and other stuff. She of course blame me for everything, for a messed up child hood and failed life. More important thou was it was my fault that she's in prison because if i was a real person i would have supported her drug habit in a safe enviroment. UGH... i want to beat myself for letting her control of what sanity and life i had... lost my car.. stupid divorces, stupid everything..  i'm done with her, i'm done of being married

shame, shame and embrassement on me and my family, i just wanted to have a family. I swear my i'm a fuck up and all my siblings are laughing at me.. Thats' if they weren't already... i hate this feeling, i hate what i got at the end and i hate that i got married in a church. I sweared to god that i would love her, now i'm a fuck up to him too... 

i'm going to keep to myself from here on out, i don't want to be part of anything. Finish school, finish with this place, and move far from this place where no one can find me. where no one knows what sort of sad life i have and lived, i used to want to love someone.. now i understand all those bitter people who hate life. I didn't want to be like that but thats' where i am now, i don't want to hear anyone else telling me to find someone else. There's more fish in the sea or anything like that... i just want to forget everything..